My picture perfect replacement

Reasoning, this my way of seeing things in life. I don't just simply give up but this time there is nothing more suffocating, agitating, aggravating and thoroughly maddening so i question myself, what on earth is happening with my life?! I should have known that there is no "silver lining" ahead. How ironic, i thought i was strong enough to deal things, only to realize that i am utterly, defeatedly weak! So true, all's fair in love and war...if escaping to a place where there's no trace of him is a cowardly act, then so be it! I just need to get out of here and forget our bitter-sweet memories. Be in a new place and start to mend my broken heart, my shattered dreams, teach myself to think that he has totally given up on me.

True enough, if you don’t expect for something, you will most likely find it. I say, you can run, you can block but you can't hide(forever!). Bravo! It doesn't take a second for a techy like me to explore and shock myself! I saw my instant picture perfect replacement! Oh, look, how sweet! Her pretty picture in his profile with a caption of his and her name over it! Reality hit me rock-bottom! I was dumb founded, It's that thousand bolts of lightning that struck in my gut! It’s hard to keep your cool when you feel like a bumbling idiot but i reiterate to my self: Don’t pretend it’s not happening, face it, you may have been smitten but now you are heartbroken! You will do as you have always done...endure.

I won't feel the same again but do i have a choice? Love is rough, it's hard to move on if you don't even know where to begin with. The days of hoping, waiting for something, holding on to memories that connect us both - all those were gone. It was suffocating, my whole being just melt down, feels like i was punched in my chest and left a big hole in their... My battle was over, worst than ever, i was badly hurt...all is gone. This love is a trauma! Maybe it's time, there's no one to wait for. There is no reason to hope for that someone will give you a wake-up call as early as 4am to get online. Text you goodnight or good morning regardless of time differences. No one to hear and laugh at your jokes, nor tell you how much he loves you as you tell him how truly, madly, deeply you loved him in return. Those love songs(sometimes in language i don't understand) we share, those funny nick names... no matter how corny or mushy the conversation maybe, you both are so into it because you believe in love...? L-I-E-S! For the second time, he lied...!

When am i ever to recover, only time will tell. I bet my life, he doesn't even care at all and he has no idea how excruciating the pain he caused me. He's definitely in cloud9 right now w/ "HIS PICTURE PERFECT GIRL" but hurtful and defeated as i am, i will back away with my unrequited love for him... Yes, I know it's stupid, but I do still love him and this big hole in my chest?,will remain... healing. My journey continues, where my broken wings will lead me, is up to me now.. I just hope that one day, one day, i will find answers to my questions, i will find my rightful love, my deserved happiness.