I understand what it takes to get hurt, but again and again it seems that i welcome it no matter how i keep telling myself to fight and face it heads up...but i was wondering how am i going to do that?? Thinking way past, it seems that i have been crying all the while, every time i get an opening of becoming free and happy again, there he comes stirring up my life again making promises, giving me false hopes. I just never learn...i ignore my friends advices not that they're wrong but the fact that if i do listen, its myself that i will betray only to welcome again another painful truth. I question my self why things like this happens to me? Life is mocking me like i have sinned like no other. I just want to be happy but all i got is rejection and misery. Was it wrong that I only fell for a single person let alone that person was my ultimate pain that i can never give up? I never felt so alone in my life right now. I'm tired, helpless but i'm so desperate, all i am after is to be happy. Writing this and reading it as if it wasn't me makes me hate the character. It was wrong i know, but i also realize that loving and hurting is two contradicting affection but one can never understand love unless never hurt. I want to move on, start anew and still hoping that one day he will come back? Every long lost dreams, every painful deceptions, every shattered memories, every broken promises leads me to this narrow way. Still he's like a guiding star that i follow a dark bumpy way. I don't know what awaits me in the end so i just pray to God, please bless my broken road.
Monday, November 15, 2010
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