He's my price to pay

I can't describe the hurt that i feel
There is no exact words i could think of
With this suffering i bear
I wonder how worst my past life was...
Maybe i was an unforgivable sinner then?
That i deserve this excruciating ordain
The pain of loving this man..
Why is there pain to begin with?
When as we know love is feeling of euphoria?
I know... only to those who feel it rightfully
To someone who deserves to be happy...

I envy them but i loathe them as well
Why, why is it only them?
Don't i deserve to be loved?
Don't i deserve to be happy?
Do i only deserve those broken promises..
The never ending tears of pain?
Maybe it was all my fault
I was too careless, too naive
I just let go of my feelings so easy
Never thinking of the outcome
But, was it bad to declare my emotions?

I am trying to get up
But the pain is too heavy...
How i wish i could move on
The sooner i could see the clearing
The lighter my way will be
But i am never giving up
For he alone is my eternity
Loving him is my price to pay