Goodbye to You

Of all the things I've believed in,
I just want to get it over with,
tears from behind my eyes,
but I do not cry,
counting the days that pass me by.

I've been searchin' deep down in my soul,
words that I'm hearin' are starting to get old,
Feels like I'm starting all over again,
The last three years were just pretend,
and I say-

Goodbye to you,
goodbye to everything I thought I knew,
You were the one I loved,
the one thing that I tried to hold on to.

I still get lost in your eyes,
and it seems that I can't live a day without you,
closing my eyes, and you chase my thoughts away,
to a place where I am blinded by the light,
but it's not right.

Goodbye to you,
goodbye to everything I thought I knew,
You were the one I loved,
the one thing that I tried to hold on to.

And it hurts to want everything
and nothing at the same time,
I want what's yours and I want what's mine,
I want you, but I'm not giving in this time.

Goodbye to you,
goodbye to everything I thought I knew,
You were the one I loved,
the one thing that I tried to hold on to-

and when the stars fall I will lie awake,
you're my shooting star.

Last Night On Earth

It's the last night on earth before the great divide
My hands are shaking time was never on our side
And there's no such thing as a beautiful goodbye
As an ordinary day I prayed for you a thousand times

It's never enough
No matter how many times I tried to tell you this is love

If tomorrow never comes I want you to know right now that I
I'm gonna love you until the day I die
If tomorrow falls asleep can you hold me first
I'm gonna love you like it's the last night on earth
Like it's the last night on earth

A penny for your thoughts
A picture so it lasts
Let's knock down the walls of immortality
Your fingers on my skin only you can hear my fear
Only you can help me heal
I see forever with you here

It's never enough no matter how many miles stand between us this is love
If tomorrow never comes I want you to know right now that I
I'm gonna love you until the day I die
If tomorrow falls asleep can you hold me first
I'm gonna love you like it's the last night on earth

It's never enough
No it's never enough
The afterglow
And the horizon line
The shadows fall
Will you still be mine?
Will you still be mine?
Will you still be mine I ask

In the end

From my childhood bedtime stories
Of Cinderella, Snow White and Sleeping beauty
There has always been a handsome prince
Ever might and glorious to the rescue
In the end, they live happily ever after

From my books of greek myths to old Verona, Italy
With Aphrodite as a goddes of love and beauty
To Shakespere's timeless Romeo and Juliet
There was always eternal love confined
In the end, the magic of love conquers all

From films based on novels and true stories
A plot so vicious and hideously created
For the villain and the main character
Fighting, for their love interest at stake
In the end, there was triumph and happiness

From the story of my so called life
There was a man i love and treasure most
My life, i dedicate to live w/ forevermore
I give it all, my love, my hope, my trust
In the end, i was betrayed, he's now in somebody's arms

My picture perfect replacement

Reasoning, this my way of seeing things in life. I don't just simply give up but this time there is nothing more suffocating, agitating, aggravating and thoroughly maddening so i question myself, what on earth is happening with my life?! I should have known that there is no "silver lining" ahead. How ironic, i thought i was strong enough to deal things, only to realize that i am utterly, defeatedly weak! So true, all's fair in love and war...if escaping to a place where there's no trace of him is a cowardly act, then so be it! I just need to get out of here and forget our bitter-sweet memories. Be in a new place and start to mend my broken heart, my shattered dreams, teach myself to think that he has totally given up on me.

True enough, if you don’t expect for something, you will most likely find it. I say, you can run, you can block but you can't hide(forever!). Bravo! It doesn't take a second for a techy like me to explore and shock myself! I saw my instant picture perfect replacement! Oh, look, how sweet! Her pretty picture in his profile with a caption of his and her name over it! Reality hit me rock-bottom! I was dumb founded, It's that thousand bolts of lightning that struck in my gut! It’s hard to keep your cool when you feel like a bumbling idiot but i reiterate to my self: Don’t pretend it’s not happening, face it, you may have been smitten but now you are heartbroken! You will do as you have always done...endure.

I won't feel the same again but do i have a choice? Love is rough, it's hard to move on if you don't even know where to begin with. The days of hoping, waiting for something, holding on to memories that connect us both - all those were gone. It was suffocating, my whole being just melt down, feels like i was punched in my chest and left a big hole in their... My battle was over, worst than ever, i was badly hurt...all is gone. This love is a trauma! Maybe it's time, there's no one to wait for. There is no reason to hope for that someone will give you a wake-up call as early as 4am to get online. Text you goodnight or good morning regardless of time differences. No one to hear and laugh at your jokes, nor tell you how much he loves you as you tell him how truly, madly, deeply you loved him in return. Those love songs(sometimes in language i don't understand) we share, those funny nick names... no matter how corny or mushy the conversation maybe, you both are so into it because you believe in love...? L-I-E-S! For the second time, he lied...!

When am i ever to recover, only time will tell. I bet my life, he doesn't even care at all and he has no idea how excruciating the pain he caused me. He's definitely in cloud9 right now w/ "HIS PICTURE PERFECT GIRL" but hurtful and defeated as i am, i will back away with my unrequited love for him... Yes, I know it's stupid, but I do still love him and this big hole in my chest?,will remain... healing. My journey continues, where my broken wings will lead me, is up to me now.. I just hope that one day, one day, i will find answers to my questions, i will find my rightful love, my deserved happiness.

Avril Lavigne - Alice (Underground)

here i go again... i'm falling
upside down, where am i now?
i'm escaping, i'm going away
where my feet leads me
will you follow me...?

He's my price to pay

I can't describe the hurt that i feel
There is no exact words i could think of
With this suffering i bear
I wonder how worst my past life was...
Maybe i was an unforgivable sinner then?
That i deserve this excruciating ordain
The pain of loving this man..
Why is there pain to begin with?
When as we know love is feeling of euphoria?
I know... only to those who feel it rightfully
To someone who deserves to be happy...

I envy them but i loathe them as well
Why, why is it only them?
Don't i deserve to be loved?
Don't i deserve to be happy?
Do i only deserve those broken promises..
The never ending tears of pain?
Maybe it was all my fault
I was too careless, too naive
I just let go of my feelings so easy
Never thinking of the outcome
But, was it bad to declare my emotions?

I am trying to get up
But the pain is too heavy...
How i wish i could move on
The sooner i could see the clearing
The lighter my way will be
But i am never giving up
For he alone is my eternity
Loving him is my price to pay

painful ramblings...

i love you so much but now that you're gone i can't get a hold of myself. i break down and cry when someone mentions you're name, and every waking moment is haunted by memories of u, my nights and dreams are plagued by you're voice and our happiness... i wonder if that never would've happened... would we be together and carry on w/ our plans for the future? would you be here beside me now? as much i want to hope, i know you're not coming back... you wont even remember me..... i love u so much each days getting too much harder...

Fate...

as this clouded fragile heart
not knowing where to stand
enduring love, confusion, rejection
amist all sorrows he has inflicted
still she hopes for a promising tomorrow
trying to be strong in the dark
she is battling her relentless pride
begging, hoping for a better forever
the true meaning, a reason for living
the fate to be back in his loving arms...

I'm so down.. god bless my broken road

I understand what it takes to get hurt, but again and again it seems that i welcome it no matter how i keep telling myself to fight and face it heads up...but i was wondering how am i going to do that?? Thinking way past, it seems that i have been crying all the while, every time i get an opening of becoming free and happy again, there he comes stirring up my life again making promises, giving me false hopes. I just never learn...i ignore my friends advices not that they're wrong but the fact that if i do listen, its myself that i will betray only to welcome again another painful truth. I question my self why things like this happens to me? Life is mocking me like i have sinned like no other. I just want to be happy but all i got is rejection and misery. Was it wrong that I only fell for a single person let alone that person was my ultimate pain that i can never give up? I never felt so alone in my life right now. I'm tired, helpless but i'm so desperate, all i am after is to be happy. Writing this and reading it as if it wasn't me makes me hate the character. It was wrong i know, but i also realize that loving and hurting is two contradicting affection but one can never understand love unless never hurt. I want to move on, start anew and still hoping that one day he will come back? Every long lost dreams, every painful deceptions, every shattered memories, every broken promises leads me to this narrow way. Still he's like a guiding star that i follow a dark bumpy way. I don't know what awaits me in the end so i just pray to God, please bless my broken road.

Then and now... beer to ice tea? :)

Time really flies so fast... Five years ago my friends and i used to hang-out in those bars and resto's till dawn, them drinking beer while me have my ice tea or...my cali light and coffee till dawn after! Well, last night was like a reunion, we meet up. It's been a while, everyone has stories to tell from countries where they've been to. We reminisce the old times, talk about the funny stuff only to realize that we are really aging...:) We use to think and choose for the trendiest bars and resto's to hang out but now, we just wanted to stuffed our hungry belly. The "then" beer drinking session now end up with a large drink of ice ice cold Icetea! We drove at 2AM MOA(Mall of Asia) to Makati to find for open coffee shops but unfortunately there's none! Oh there's one left! :( We found Whistlestop! But the funny part is, my friends didn't drink coffee in because the shop didn't serve decaffe!(and someone's complainin' w/ that?) so they choose large glasses of ice tead!, except me who wants a strong coffee and so i ended up awake till morning! Ha! So much for the coffeshop hunt!

The Same You

baby i missed you...
but that's all i can do
i wanted to talk to you
but i can never reach you

another night i made my way through
but wokeup today thinking of you
i can still feel every inch of pain
every piece of me screams in vain

i thought we are okay
but it's just a make believe
once again you hurt me
crushed me till i hit the ground

if only you can hear me...
let's say even if you do
you'll just walk away i know
just like the same old way you do..

When will this river of tears stop fallin'
Where can I run so I won't feel alone
Can't walk away when the pain keeps callin'
I've just gotta take it from here on my own
But it's so hard to let go

Just thinking of you....

it's midnight, then it will my tomorrow
still hoping that i will hear from you
waiting... and still keep on waiting...
honey where are you...?

Only to weep in silence...

Now I know your not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star
Just don't come true
Cause now even I can tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
When there was really no me and you

Here I Go Again..

My head is spinning, i feel none
Morning sun doesn't even matter
Staring at the ceiling blankly
Until my eyes gets blurry

I know this feeling....
Here i go again, and again
Isn't it the funniest?
When you weep for your dearest?

He may never seem to see
He may never seem to feel
That i am weeping for him silently
And still right here loving
Caring, longing for his love eternally

Was it forgotten by time?
Ah..the never ending promises
The laughters, the happiness
Is now a bitter sweet memory

Down into deep i go falling
Sorrows, pains, tears, here i go again
I just want to sleep and dream of him
Never to wakeup for he's their in my reality